I can’t do it all

I cant do it all. This has been the hardest thing to not only realize, but to accept.  I am a perfectionist and let’s face it, life with kids is not even close to perfect.  Babies are hard no matter how many you have and they make it difficult (to say the least) to do every day tasks.  I like to do my nails regularly, I like styling my hair and doing my makeup. I also like dressing nice, quiet time to myself and working.  Almost 8 months ago, that completely changed and it’s really, really hard to get used to. I now keep toe nail polish on for about 4 months, or should I say, what’s left of it.  I rarely wear makeup and when I do get to put it on, I have to really think about what I’m doing. My hair is always pulled up, or at least most of it is by the end of the day.  I still wear my maternity clothes because they’re some of the few things that actually fit. I clean my bathroom maybe once a month. Work? Ha…that’s funny.  There’s no time.  I fit in writing for blogs throughout the day, that is about all I can manage. 

My days consist of the same thing every single day. Wake up at 6, clean bottles, eat breakfast, feed the girls their bottles, get ready (hopefully nobody is fussy), go on a walk, feed girls food, get them down for a nap, pray that I can nap with them, let the girls play, feed them food again, eat lunch, another nap, more food, bathtime, make dinner, clean bottles, put the girls down for bed, clean up kitchen, my own shower, and hopefully spend time with my man, sleep and repeat.

It is exhausting and monotonous, but every day the girls make me smile.  Yes, there are plenty of days where I want to scream and throw things and pull out my own hair.  There’s also those moments that melt your heart beyond belief and you can’t help but cry because you’re so happy.  Those are the moments to live for. So no, I can’t do it all or be the person I was anymore.  I live by a schedule, but during that time, I get to witness what’s worth living for and that’s something.

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